Dear Diary,
I know i know, you'd think that, i have come again here for crying. But i cant help it. I don't know what else i can do.
I am feeling so frustrated for past 2-3 days. I don't know if its just my personal reasons or really the things happening at company are that bad.
I was so disappointed with vijay today. I tried to explain him so many times, he won't listen. I keep feeling i am right (Then i am also doubting what if this is where i am wrong, what if this is another instance of human being thinking they are always right).
Working with these guys, i have filled myself with extreme self doubt, up to a point, where i am doubting everything, i cannot decide anything. Life was easy just a few years ago. Now it seems like every decision has to be discussed and there is very less probability that people around me would understand it.
Fucking everyone has a different perspective, what the fuck is this world.
Another thing is the time, my speed, i am so slow at doing anything. I don't know where the fuck is my time going, i am sitting on my system since morning till i sleep. And yet i don't know, i am not achieving enough, the problems are still the same, they are not reducing. Everyday there are problems with hardware, some software, the system has to be scaled up, monitored, the long term tasks are always remaining long term tasks and we keep filling the time with the new short term things. How fast business is growing, i really doubt.
Atleast today i don't have headache(I think i have been sleeping enough for past 3-4 days). But still i am feeling so uncomfortable, like what am i going to do. I don't know.
The most important thing is I am losing myself as a person, I don't know who i am anymore.All i have become is this guy who sits on the laptop for long hours, doing what i don't know.
God, Startups are difficult, If someone had told me how difficult it is going to be earlier, I would never get into it.
I am feeling crazy, frustrated right now, like i want to kill someone.
Usually i end notes with some positivity, by the time i finish, i start seeing some good thing, today i am not seeing any.
Goodnight