Dear Diary,
It’s 2 o clock, and my eyes are really hurt, but I want to write today. I started watching the movie Into the wild again. Watch it for few minutes during lunch. Many people think that it’s a sad movie, but I think it’s rather very uplifting and inspiring. They only think of the end, or about the nature of Chris that he left home. But it’s not just about that, through out the movie there are little gems of inspiration.
At the time he goes into the sea, he says -
‘The sea’s only gifts are the harsh blows and occasional chance to feel strong. And I know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind,deaf Stone alone, with nothing to help you, but your own hands and your own head.’
It was sad at the moment when he Finally realised he wanted to go home after reading this line but he could not.
‘I have lived through much and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to the people to whom it is easy to be good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes maybe of some use; then rest,Nature,books,music,love for one’s neighbour. And then on top of all that, you for a mate and children perhaps - what more can the heart of a man desire’
To be honest, some part of my heart says the same. 😃
Tmrw I’ll watch the 4th part, the wisdom.
Apart from movie, work is going descent. As I told you last time, I am not accomplishing a lot, but I feel more confident and I am picking up new problems to solve. My eyes are hurting really bad though. And my mind always feel so heavy, this system’s screen is not good compare to The MacBook. I think it’s harmful, I feel like i should take a break from computer for 2-3 days, but I am craving for coding so much, I feel like keep making something. But i think I’ll have to, health is important. If I am not healthy I won’t be able to work anyway. Speaking of that, I started doing home workouts, doing on cult fit app. It’s good. I started Spanish lessons also again. I am feeling very motivated again.
I am not doing very good at her aspect though. At vipassana, one of the major awakening I had was when I realised that sometimes what we chose to call love could actually be strangling someone. The love of all the expectations. I realised that that’s what I was doing all along and I wanted to change that after I realised it. I was doing ok, but now once again these expectations are carving out their space. I told myself that no matter what I’ll not assume anything about her ever. I want her to be happy, and not strangle her with expectations. All I have to do is, just don’t think about it. No thinking about why she hasn’t called or what I’ll talk to her about or why she did something she did or anything which may or may not be right... I think I can do it... 🙃
Talked to dawrani yesterday. He is trying dishes these days... 😃 He made Gulaab jamun today... 😂
ok, I have to sleep now..
Buenas noches ❤️❤️