Dear Diary, sometimes I hate all people that exists around me. I hate to read their status on WhatsApp. It's not because I'm jealous with them. But I always compare between my life an theirs, so that I feel that I always be a loooooooseeeeer.
I want to share, I want to tell wath I feel with someone like my friends, or family, or my spouse. But do they exist in my life? Yes I got friend but not too close to share what exactly I feel. My close friends already dead in my head. Suddenly not contact me without a reason. So I just let her go. And now I'm afraid to have a close friend. Maybe I got one but I think not too close to share all my feeling from bottom of my heart.
Not with my family. I really doesn't close with them. Because they do their business like I'm not exist. So I don't want interfere my problems to their life.
I got a lovely hubby. Really care me so much. Thanks god for this gift. But we were long distance relationship. He work as engineer in local ship company. Sometimes it hard for me to share my feelings during his work time.
So what I do is, I post my negative feelings on WhatsApp and open it as public. All my contacts can see it. But no one reply. Yeah... All of the are bullshit. Why they do this to me while I always reply their status. Always tried to be friendly but when I feeling down, no one could say something.
Yeah, I know this kind of habit would destroy me. But I don't have choice. Why this world so cruel. I just feel no one love me, no one cared for me. All of them are fake people.