August 06, 2021 I'm not allowed to relax


Dear Diary,

My parents went out just to walk. I consider this moments like treasures, because I can stay outside of my room without them asking me things, without their continuous screams and shouts, without their continuous criticisms.

I can simply switch off the two televisions, take a cold tea and read a book. I was reading a little anthology with four short gothic stories about masked entities, very enjoyable. 

I was starting feeling a little better than how I usually feel. But they stayed away less then an hour... I heard them shouting and arguing and screaming before they opened the door.

I literary ran away in my room, locking my room's door behind me to avoid them. 

I feel bad now just hearing them outside the door, I want to cry and hurt myself for the frustration. I haven't finished not even one of the short stories.

I wonder: can they be considered mental abusers? Can illness be considered a good reason to reduce a caregiver as they reduced me? I'm scared by them, even if they can not hurt me physically... But they are so overwhelming, so verbally aggressive, so nagging. 

Nobody should be allowed to treat a person like they do, even if they are handicapped or sick.