August 04, 2021 Knowing me, isnt bad.


Hey baby,

 How are you? I'm good. I think.


I'm not bad but you know not so good too.

Had some free days last weekend.

But I realized sitting idle freaks me out.

Due to some personal issues, my tuition was canceled for 4 days. so I could sleep in the mornings, and somehow had a lot of time a day to be idle.

It almost felt like hell, being idle not knowing what to do. I think I've been accustomed to being busy, doing one after another, that I was so psychologically tired the last weekend. But it's okay, right>?'

I can overcome anything, right?


Tuitions again started today, it was good, we kinda had some joke party, though the girls were more devoted to fighting with each other over silly jokes.

I'm sick of them seriously.

When I came home, I was still in the joke vibe. WE made and laughed at funky jokes for about 20 mins at home. It was good. Then completed some incomplete works and submitted them. It was later when class started I came to know that I completed and sent stuff that the teacher hasn't taught yet.

It was funny.


I think these days I've become more of a social media addict. I don't spend more time in it, it's just that I'm pressuring myself to post regularly on Instagram, reels, or anything. But I think it's started affecting me. Because if I don't post I feel useless as if I'm not even capable to do that.


At first, I started writing here, because I wanted to share my life and also know about a stranger's life. I was always nosy though I never show it. I've always wanted to have a peep at a stranger's life. I just wanted to known how different is someone else's life to mine. I loved it that someone liked to asked or converse about my life too. 

When I did the first posting here I felt like my thoughts weren't weird as my mother says, but some people think like me. That was kinda my best experience.

But I think I've become more of an ATTENTION SEEKER.

I don't show it, I don't let anybody know I want attention, I want someone to look at me or ask me anything.

But I feel it all the time and it's tougher since I say about it to none.

I've kinda started to feel depressed.

Though I don't know if it's actual depression, or am I just fantasizing about some sickness so that someone could give me their attention.

I've started to become sick of myself, I hate all my thoughts and acts.

I've become more numb lately, I've stopped expressing myself.

But here I am venting everything to you. I'm sorry.

Tata, Buhbyee......

I went back, corrected all grammar, spelling, arranged my wordings and paragraphs, hehe.