July 08, 2021 I don't like sex


Dear Diary,

I don't like sex, I never liked it. Tomorrow I have to see my boyfriend, I tolerate to do stuff only because I'm scared to remain totally alone, but I really don't want to. 

I just don't like beeing touched, kissed, etc.

I never told to anyone, I just pretend I like it as anyone else, but I don't.

I feel bad for him, he lives in a lie, he think to make me happy and I just pray we finish fast, so we can do something more interesting, like watch a movie together.

It's a pity, I like him, he makes me laugh, I just hate sex (in general, not only with him).

I should broke with him, but I lost all my friends with the pandemic and my family situation is so bad that I can't face it totally alone. 

But I'm tired and depressed and the idea of having sex tomorrow just make me feel annihilated. I just want to lay down with a ventilator pointed at my legs and watch a movie.