July 06, 2021 Should I die?

Dear Diary, 

my parents get out for the dentist and I started feeling a little bit better. I could shout out the televisions, put on some music at a very low volume, drink a colt tea outside of my room and read a book.

But they stay away just for one hour, when I heard them coming back I just started to cry. I'm starting to hate them.

They are old. I don't know why they made me at such an old age, why my mother did not abort me? They had three child already. Why give birth to me also?

Now I'm stuck with them, because all my brothers are escaped far, living me there alone with them.

One of my brothers is also totally crazy, a paranoid, maybe I should be glad that he is very far from us.

I'm 26, and I can't find a serious job, my parents are both andicapped, my mother fiscally, my father have dementia. Both of them are becoming more and more evil, especially my father because of the mental hillness.

They treat me as a failure, even if are two years that I do almost everything for them. Literary everything. To preserve them from the pandemic I gave up everything, even when permitted by the government.

I lost all my friends, only my boyfriend remained by my side, but I think he also is starting to get tired of my situation, because I can't get out often.

Even if my job is not well paid, it's a job, and they never respect it. I'm working from home now and they don't let me work quietly, because my job it's not important in their opinion. They scream and call me also during online work's meetings.

I went out for a month this winter, because I needed to work in person and I wanted to preserve them from the possibility of contagion. 

I went to a house near them to provide anyway to their necessities and I realized that, even if even if I had the financial possibility to live alone, I couldn't, because the are not self-sufficient anymore. I'm stuck here.

Maybe are they right? Am I a failure? I have no money, no prospective, no friends, my parents hates me, my brothers abandoned me and I'm scared by aging and become evil and handicapped as my parents are. 

I really don't want to become old, sick, stuck in a sad marriage, totally dependent by others and evil with my own family. Maybe I would prefer to die young.

I'm 26 already, I'll never be 20 again, my prime is gone and I haven't done anything relevant yet. Perhaps should I die?