July 06, 2021

Dear baby,

 I know it's kinda weird😅, but I've always wanted to call my diary "baby", you know just trying to fill the absence of a boyfie' in life. I've always wanted someone to read my diary and ask me, oh. how? or just read it.

The idea of someone reading my life always fascinates me and I'm really happy to be here.

So, baby, I'm really sorry my first talk with you is a complaint. But yesterday was... I just had an embarrassing and judging movement in my life.

so, I've started going to this one tuition after I found my grades dropping. the house I go to is kinda you know the traditional joint fam' and I was said that the head there is a go by rules guy.

yesterday I met this guy and he is the perfect example of KKondae(Korean term).

I wore a blue top, something I 100% agree to be decent. I didn't have exposed skin. and this 60-year-old oldie called me and told me to wear churidar and dupatta(kinda Indian traditional costume for women). The way he said it, okay! I just wanted to punch him in the face. He was so arrogant and he had this disgusted look saying 'is this how u dress'

I just don't get it why does it matter to him, what I wear is my wish or my parents.

I'm just 17, is this how I'm supposed to leave all my life?

Does this happen everywhere?

Are women always supposed to be questioned on what they wear?

This may seem nothing for someone, but for me now it's a scary one.

Today when I went there I wore an oversized hoodie so that he cant point out anything.

He didn't come that's another case.

However, I was scared all the time, like for everything. Every second I was checking whether he is gonna come or say anything. I used to check how I sit every second. I even had a panic attack when I heard some footsteps and held my head low fearing it was him, but it was my brother.

For fucks sake, is this how I'm supposed to survive the next 2 months?

I'm afraid and I'm angry.

I wanted to ask him back many things, shout at him.

but I couldn't do anything because it's my need to go there.

it's my need.

so, that's it baby just wanted to vent out some anger.

and for those who read this.

have you ever felt something similar?