Dear Diary,
Here again to update that I am feeling better or at least trying to! I am trying my best. throughout my life I have always seen my life as something which is happy and positive even on the days its not. i know I am very strong enough to deal with shit but I do fall down sometimes but the best part is I am not scared to get up again. yes I am shit scared of the pain. i have moved on but I think I do lack closure, tbh I don't think so I am getting it anytime soon and this is what hurts. when you have no idea how and when will this killing feeling end. i miss days when I was In love, you know the rush and the happy days ? its so good but the only problem was i used to give too much of myself. they used to keep hurting me but i still gave me 2,3,4,5,6,and idk how many chances. i am scared that i will turn back into that again. i don't want to cause i love myself but i have moved forward but that old self keeps craving back in. wont let it in.
i know i deserve the best and i will. i have still not given up on love. i am learning to love myself rather than craving their love.