Dear Diary, nothing much today, mainly a few things for my creative projects and some organizing. Earlier today I read a few stories online that brought back memories. Things I could've had, things I once had but lost them along the way. Now I wonder why I even bothered. Were they ever mine to begin with? What made me believe they were worth fighting for in the first place?
It's all an illusion. I have learned to live without them and I am doing alright so far, so really I wasted my time and energy for things that didn't matter for my survival, my existence. What a waste. The good thing is I'm getting better at using my time and energy productively, but I sure wasted a lot of that to get here and once it's gone, it's gone.
Got back in touch with my family. It's been a year since I last heard from them. Pandemic makes life difficult but they are managing, so that's good to know. It may sound terrible but I don't really miss them, despite of living far away. I never feel like they are the people I was born into. I always feel like I am adopted. Nothing wrong with adopting a child, I just don't feel like I belong to them. I always feel I am alone in this world, it was hard as a child, but as I get older, it feels natural. Also helps that the friends I have now don't make a big deal of it. Most of them have big families and quite active socially, they are busy enough with their lives, so they don't concern themselves with details about my life other than what I want to share.