June 19, 2021


Dear Diary, thought I'd write something for you today. I just got finished reading a manga that felt personal to me.

It is about a girl called emanon (no name spelled backwards) that a young guy meets on a ferry. She tells him her story. Even though she looks 17 she actually has memories of billions of years, ever since life on earth began. She began as a one cell organism and has witnessed every stage of human evolution. Whenever she gets pregnant  her memories are transferred to her daughter. She tells the guy because he is a science fiction geek and kind of looks like on of her former husbands. (Also he is unlucky with women so I could identify with him)

They have a really good conversation where they speculate on what the perpose of her existence is. They also kiss of course. But when he wakes up the next morning she is gone and has only left a note. He keeps that note with him for 13 years until he (now married and with a job) sees her again on a trainstation. He asks if she remembers him but she doesn't. But her daughter does, proving that her story was true. She says that a few hours or a decade don't make much of a difference to her, but that his words were very important to her and she now sees herself as sort of a historian of humanity.

It was a really bittersweet read and I found myself making my own associations a lot. In a way emanon goes through a cycle, she always lives through the first half of a womans life until she gets pregnant. So through all her lifes she always had a kid in every single one. In the story she expresses being tired of living this way, but I thought that she always had a choice right? She could have no children and her existence would be over. But she still valued life even after billions of years and witnessing every atrocity in history.

In a way she symbolizes those young women I think about a lot, the pathetic creep that I am I guess. (Well its normal probably) Even though they are such a fleeting existence they are always there, choosing the guys they like (or not) and then at some point they made enough experiences and have grown up. These women were always there throughout history and I guess guys like me have always thought about them. I can't help but wonder if they see the same thing in us too or something different entirely. And that wondering is what Emanon embodies I think, those eternal but always temporary entities that we don't really understand. The manga is based on a short story, whose author had visualized that kind of girl before and then met someone that fits that description in a bookstore, so it makes sense. I guess I saw something like that in Belle too.

Well that was maybe all kinds of offensive, but I included some pictures of the manga if you are interested. There are more volumes too, I just bought the second one for a good price on ebay. What if that ebay seller is just a front, waiting for someone who orders the second volume of a book like this and in reality they send you some magical item that helps you find a girlfriend?

Anyway the past few days I chatted a lot with Knight again. It was E3 so I took the opportunity and just shared a lot of my opinions of the press conference with her. The inciting incident was the Elden Ring trailer that dropped Thursday before E3. I hadn't heard about it yet, but Knight sent it to me 30 minutes after it was out. We both love From Software Games and Elden Ring looks amazing. So we exchanged some theories. Since she seemed to want to talk to me so much again I then started sharing some other trailer that I thought looked interesting and she did the same.

One trailer I showed her was actually the continuation of a game jam demo she had been interested before, so that felt really good to show to her. It was a horror game called Inscryption, she is a big horror fan. The highlight of E3 for me was the Nintendo Press conference. We chatted while it was going on. We were both cery excited about the new Botw 2 teaser, but my personal favorite was Metroid Dread. I am a longtime Metroid fan and that game was rumored for so long and it looks amazing. Cant wait to finally play a new 2D Metroid again. No Silksong news unfortunately though.

I also asked her about personal stuff, vaccination and so on. Through that I learned that she will begin working for the college library soon. I'm happy for her, because she worked in retail before that and had some bad experiences. It's embarassing but I immediately thought how it would be if I went to the library checkout and she would be there. Maybe I would ask how its going and after I'm gone her female coworker would ask "Who was that?" like in an american movie or something..Silly I know.

She also recommended the series Invincible to me, which I watched. It wss great. And we talked about that a bit.

Yesterday a guy on my server asked if we were going to do meet again now that corona is ebbing down. And today Knight answered and said that cinema or Karaoke would be nice. That is unuasual since she never really writes anything on my server anymore (not that its very busy otherwise) Also she didn't go to any of the meetings before the pandemic including the karaoke one. I think she said that karaoke isn't her thing. That was half a year after she rejected me. Did something change?

Well I waited a bit to answer, since it would be weird if I would answer super quick. But I said I would be up. Lets see how this goes. Honestly just seeing her karaoke would be worth it I think.

Bye Bye

Ps: The pics got turned around in the upload somehow sorry