June 16, 2021

Dear Diary,

August 1st and Jax will be 2. I can't stop thinking about him lately and the guilt I have.

Kemper prodded it out of me this morning when he left for work and I told him that it had been bothering me lately that his birthday was coming up and I just feel like a complete failure. He didn't know what to say to it but he did sit and listen to me. 

I know I said I was going to separate myself from people who just don't care to stay in touch or keep me in their life but, he knows so much about Jax and I that it is hard to not reach out. I'm not going to though. It won't make me feel any better if I try to contact him and get no response, for weeks, or probably ever.

This is what I will just have to figure out on my own. I am 16 and all of this is a lot sometimes. Too much to handle most days.