May 03, 2021 (Night 2) - One of my biggest Fears.

Dear Diary,  

     Night comes again, don't know why everytime the sun sets and the dark fills the skies I felt so peaceful. But sometimes I can't control my feelings and my peaceful moments will become unexpected sadness, like now. 

     I have so many things in my mind that can make my good day into a bad day in just instant moments. I always fear about my future. Yes, I know that I am still young for me to be stress by my future but It also means that I am not getting younger in every year that passing by. 

     In my age now (22), I should not just here in the house. I want to have a nice job, I want to stand in my own feet and help my parents in my own way. But maybe sometimes doing my best is not enough. 

     I tried so many times to apply in the company or other work place. But no one called me back. It hurts so much, I felt like I am so useless. I always asked myself what is wrong with me?, what do they have that I don't have? Is it because I am not beautiful? But I can't find the answer. 

     To be honest, I envious those people who are working, because they can proudly say that they have a job. Not like me, I'm just a burden on my parents.

     Will end it here for now.

                                                                                    -MC