Dear Diary,
just a few days ago i felt so miserable, but now, come to think of it i didnt realize things were slowly getting in order for me (hoping that saying this wont jinx it).
all my life ive hated selling things, and i hated maths so much that until now i still panic at the thought of having to calculate the exact amount of change i was getting and giving back. When i was a child, my mother had this small retail store where she would spend a year or two tending to every day after she quit her job. i hated that work when i was younger. i had no patience for customers and it came to a point when one of the towns officials actually talked to my mom and told her how shitty my customer service was, and that i was very rude, which admittedly, were all true as I hated the guy for consecutively getting anything without actually paying for them. in my native languange its called pautang, and yes, my mother had a sari-sari store, for all the people who would understand what im saying.
i hated it all so much that i never thought i would ever even plan on going for this path as i never really understood my mothers passion for it. This time i found myself so broke, that i knew i had to do something. so i started with less that a hundred pesos, and told myself it wont hurt to try. Im in just a couple of weeks and somehow i never realized it, but as it all slowly became a part of my daily routine, it became sort of a therapy to me as well. never thought i would say this but the warmth of having to talk to people, especially kids, who would buy some of those cheap but hearty junk food, it all felt grounding and suddenly things didnt feel like theyre all too uncertain and up in the air for me anymore.
Just minutes ago, i found myself thinking if this was that feeling of having a purpose, and i say to myself, well this might not be for long term, but i think this might be where i should be for now.
Weeks ago from today I decided to watch the back to the future parts 2 and 3, and they were incredible. I cant even believe only a few people of my age recognize Michael J Fox! brilliant actor, not to mention handsome as hell and a very kind, humble person. I dug deeper into his career and found myself watching 5 seasons of family ties, and yes, alex p. keaton inspired me, probably a lot. So much so that i had to know how he was doing currently, and i didnt really have a chance to overlook his fight against parkinsons.
i was very, very curious about him, i can tell im at least 1/4 of a fan, wait till i get to see all of his movies and sitcoms and extra works, lmao. but my curiosity brought me to his recent book entitled, no time like the future. i thought it was his only book, so i thought i had to at least read it and see how this guy humors me. i havent finished it yet, but so far i can tell his writing is detailed and i love that it immerses me as if i was there with him, through the experience. i mean, im not much of a reader myself, in fact i hate reading unless i really have to, but this time it didnt feel like i had to force myself. I am hoping to finish the book soon and i want to buy a paperback copy of his book from 2002, the year i was born. It had pictures that documented at least the essential people and events in his life.
forgive me for saying this, but gosh, i just find him as a wonderful person. im not the type to really be fan of anyone hollywood, but he is amazing, and i wont even deny that hes one of the key elements as to why i feel like im living again, slowly;
and i hope i will continue feeling like so.