Dear Diary,
I know I wrote in here earlier but I have a lot of thoughts that I need to get down.
Why can’t I make a decision? I have been thinking how nice it would be to be home with my dad but when I was, it was very different then before. He also looked very tired and old. He isn’t even forty yet but he looks way older than that now. I know if I went home, I would go back to that detention center and they would throw the key away until I was 18 so going home is out of the question until I’m 18.
So the decision has been made for me on whether to go home or not.
If Kemper had one inkling I was even thinking about leaving, he would be done, forever!
I sometimes think my inability to figure out any thing or make a decision is because I’m 16. Maybe I’m not mature enough for these life decisions? Although I feel like I’m way older than I am and I kind of hate that. I feel stupid when I am immature, like I am not in any position to be that way. Like since I made the decision to leave, I now have to be an adult and put back being a regular teenager.
In other news, Kemper took me on a ride on his motorcycle today. It was nice to get out and just zone out on the road. The engine sound blocks everything out besides your thoughts. It is nice! And his leather jacket smells like heaven haha 😆
We stopped and he showed me some cool spots to go sight seeing. We went out on a ledge and it was amazing to see the trees and the sunset. He purposely scared me and I was not impressed. I am not a fan of heights, at all! He had a hold of me so I wouldn’t have gone anywhere and I was about three feet from the actual ledge but my nerves become rattled around ledges.
He also showed me a few spots to just relax and enjoy nature. We ended up sitting in one for about an hour. He said that there used to be an eagle family that roosted on a ledge not far from the spot. Sadly they aren’t there anymore.
I get the sense from him that he loves living here.
He held my hand the entire time we hiked around. Even grabbed me to help me down a few rocks which wouldn’t have been hard to get down from. I get butterflies anymore when he gets close to me. I never realized how gray his eyes are. They are so pretty 😍 They are such kind and friendly eyes