March 18, 2021

Dear Diary , so I usually do not care what people say I don't get bullied because I stand up for myself but now most people think I'm the bad guy ......why ....so someone from my school called me ugly and I called him a name back but I couldn't get over it I know theres people being bullied but it really hurt I got compliments that day but I still cared what he said ...I do not understand it was the first time and all but I usually get looks (weird looks) like I'm such a bad person but that just what happened yesterday I hate being alive I wanna die my dad is dead my grandad is dead my uncle (dad's twin) is dead everyone I love lives miles away and I'm here with my sister's and mom and I HATE it I wanna die sometimes I go outside and think about jumping Infront of a car , or when I'm inside taking pills or hanging myself but sometimes I feel I might have a purpose on this planet every one does and I wanna live for my future kids so I can show them what a mom is and for my sister's I'm all they have left 😭 it's so hard and I don't wanna go hell I pray to God alot and I know this is cross to carry but it's really really heavy but I'm gonna get through this I tell myself .........this really helped get stuff off my chest ....and anyone have any solutions on what I should do comment please