In addition, he is usually unconscious regarding the effect his behavior has on
others. He keeps people waiting, portable ventilation
fans doesn't do what he says he is going to do, and becomes judgmental
rather than compassionate in the face of anothers difficulties. Instead of
caring when his wife is tired or needs help, he gets resistant and resentful
that she isn't there for him or is asking something of him.A lack of compassion
for oneself and others is a major cause of inner and relationship unhappiness.
In terms of personal growth, if you were to just focus on making compassion your
highest priority both for yourself and for others you would find yourself
progressing toward happiness, peace and joy more rapidly than you can imagine.We
move into compassion for ourselves when we know that we have very good reasons
for our feelings and behavior, and into compassion for others when we know that
others also have very good reasons for their feelings and behavior.
These good
reasons are the fears and false beliefs that we have absorbed from our growing
up years that create our painful feelings and our defensive behavior. Moving
into compassion is a process that takes time and practice:1. Moving into
compassion for yourself starts with noticing your self-judgment. Judgment is the
opposite of compassion. When you judge yourself, you are telling yourself that
you are wrong or bad for your feelings or behavior, rather than that you have
good reasons. Each time you realize that you are judging yourself, consciously
open your heart to compassion for yourself. When your intention is to be
compassionate rather than judgmental, you will discover that it is not as hard
as you think to shift from judgment to compassion.2. Moving into compassion for
others is similar. Begin to notice your anger, irritation, judgment, resentment,
or resistance toward others. These negative feelings are the opposite of
compassion.
Once you notice these feelings, you have the choice to open to caring, understanding to compassion. 3. Each time you find yourself in judgment for yourself or others, instead of judging yourself for judging, move into compassion for the judgmental part of you. If you judge yourself for judging yourself or others, you will stay stuck. If you embrace with compassion the judgmental part of yourself, you will find yourself gradually becoming less judgmental and more compassionate.Each time you are compassionate with yourself and others, it becomes easier next time. You will discover that focusing on compassion for both yourself and others will move you toward the peace and joy you are seeking. It all comes from your intent to protect against pain with your controlling behaviors, such as anger, blame and judgment, or to learn about loving yourself and others. When your deepest desire is to become a loving human being, opening to compassion is a powerful doorway to that path.