Dear Diary,
Yesterday night I didn't sleep throughout thinking I will study, but I didn't and I didn't sleep properly too. Anyways, I didn't do anything, and thankfully I was lucky there is some issue with the authorization of printing device and I can't generate print preview of forms. So I have already told my supervisor I may not be able to submit the assignment by today. To be honest, I have no idea how to do the assignment.
All my life I used to think I am smarter than most people academically, I know it sounds arrogant, but I always topped even without giving much effort. And also I could solve the complex numericals which no one else among a class of 200 could solve during coaching. And I was studying in among the top coaching institutes in India at that time. Though it didn't reflect in my result, because of the incident that happened. I have mentioned it to you before. I don't like talking about it.
But now I changed my field, and I am a fresher at 27. This is my first development project. Even though I had topped in my training batch, but now I feel everyone knows more than me. Now, to know things I will have to work really hard, which I never did before. I got things easily so never developed the hardworking skills. I will remain mediocre if I don't give effort and be proactive. It seems everyone is achieving so many things, and I always was stuck with relationship related issues. I could have done more, if I focused more on career.
On a side note, AM told me day that we are not compatible. He meant it's a no, but still insisted on meeting first. So, finally what I did was I flirted with a stranger online. I haven't flirted with anyone since 1.5 years, my body and mind has needs too. I am feeling much lighter now. I wasn't able to get interested in anyone since a long time. But after what AM said , I guess I can move on.
Yes, just flirting with some stranger is good enough for me to get going in life. I was not even doing that since a long time as I was so much into AM. I will probably do that only. When I meet AM, I will not take it seriously. I will not try anything. I will just go with the flow.