Loss.
The things I have lost forever. My youth, Cars. My Grandma (Nine) & Hallie - The 2 people who led me to faith and held me in it. Nine was 90+ years old and unhappy, Hallie swore she wouldn't live until 40. Their deaths are not my shame; however, I'm sad I didn't make the best of it with them both. I lived selfishly thinking they would be there when i needed them or was ready. Not thinking, they need me. Cause who needs a mess like me to burden you and why would you actually need anything from me. Except, Love, the only thing i'm truly good at. Now, what </3 I'm sad and I have to move on. I want them to know how much I loved them. I was also broken and for that i forgive myself. I am only human. I am leaving 4 women behind in their legacy. The idea of a perfect family was lost long ago. Sometimes it's not who you become but who you raise. The idea that my family - built or born to - was normal and healthy is probably a healthy loss . . . But mostly, the things i lost forever are:
The things I have not lost forever. Control of my thoughts, emotions, words, and FUTURE! My children. My health. Knowing that being perfect is not a perfect goal. Myself, I am not ashamed to be me. I have made mistakes, i have paid the prices, heavily in my opinion. I have a higher purpose. I know I am here to grow and help others grow.