February 22, 2021


Dear Diary,

I can't sleep. I have a lot of things on my mind but there's one that is bothering me the most. You guessed it, a boy. 

This boy is not just any boy, he's my roommate and best friend. Considering the fact that he told me he's in love with me when we hooked up, I think he might have feelings for me. 

The problem is he's the most annoying person I've ever met and I can't imagine trying to date him. He has a huge heart but struggles to consider others in small decisions and uses people. Anyone would do anything for him which makes it easier for him to use them, without him even realizing it.

I've been trying to discuss these issues and bring them to light so that he can work on them. I know you're not supposed to change people but changing some certain things would only make him better. 

He also told me that he was just waiting for me to commit which I can't do so he's gonna keep doing his own thing, which is a completely unfair thing to say. How am I supposed to be able to commit to him when I know about his history of cheating and lying? Not to mention all the girls he's fucked over and treated like shit. 

But I don't want to paint him as the bad guy, because he's not. He's helped me through a lot and changed me in good ways. 

I just don't know what to do right now. We're living together next year so it's not like we could ever actually be anything. But I know he has some feelings for me so I don't want to try to talk to other guys right in front of him, especially after the other night. He had a girl over and I knew they were doing something in his room, and when I found out my weed was in there I started shaking I was so mad.

Anyway, he's currently 800 miles away and I won't see him for a few days. It's so weird not knowing everything that's going on with him and his day. I keep going to text him but I don't want to seem like all the other girls that worship him.

I thought him being away would help keep my mind off of things, but I think it's just making things worse. I don't know what he's doing or what girls he's with. At least when he's home I know all his actions lol.

I miss him.