Dear Diary,
i talked to my cousin about this already, but it never seems to leave my chest. never imagined this point will ever really come. it aches, and i cant manage to pull myself together now just like how i always do.
i thought it wouldnt bother me initially but now it does. this was what i wanted, freedom, and space to myself, right now it just feels empty, like how i usually feel. but this situation confirms how deep-seated this issue is, i bawled my eyes out in front of her yesterday as she tells me she doesnt care anymore. she says that to describe other people but it seemed like an indirect statement towards me. our relationship wasnt a great one. as if we were different roads trying to overlap and it just wasnt working. i would like to convince myself that this is for the better, just as people would say sometimes change can be uncomfortable, this isnt all that. this is also painful, and remorseful as i woke up late today she asked me if i wanted to come with. but to me this whole moving scenario would still be an unhealthy escape to such issue. i know you might be thinking what issue it is, but right now i just cant talk about it. if i could bury this pain without talking about it that would be better.
i know i feel alone most of the time, but this was an unappealing realization of how alone i really am, and how my battles become unknown to anyone. as one of my cousins mentioned before, i always look like im okay. i sure hope one day i dont only look like it, but feel okay as well.