Dear Diary,
I was keeping track on how many days I get upset about AM by going through my diary. It's 6/18 days. So, one third of the time he makes me upset. Its not a good sign. Today also I controlled my urges to insult him. How long can I go like this. I try not to say anything which I will regret later.
But ideally I shouldn't even feel such things. Obviously it's his behaviour. Like when it came to meeting, he just decided 1st week of March, he didn't think he needs to consult me. When I proposed a new time. He didn't react. When I msg him or want to talk to him , he doesn't reply properly. When he is free and wants to talk, then he talks nicely. He doesn't show excitement of meeting after a year. And when I said I am upset with him. He haven't said a single nice thing. No he haven't said anything at all. Just said we will meet and discuss.
Obviously I am a moron here. Why do I have to take things too extreme before leaving. I will keep suffering , I want to end things but I still feel what if I am making a mistake. And things get better when we meet. I can see that there is very less chance of that.
My ex texted me today. He asked me if I am dating someone now. He said he decided he will never come in relationship again. That he realised relationships are not for him. I said do whatever makes you happy. But I always feel like was I that upsetting that he doesn't want to be in a relationship only.
I feel no one is worth my mental health. If a person makes me unhappy, better to discard them from life. I try to say things, but there is no use, when the other person don't give a damn.
I should also stop giving a fuck.