Dear Diary,
I almost went crazy, I was feeling anxious and had extreme thoughts. I controlled myself a lot, to not say anything to anyone in this time. I would have regretted and gone crazier. It was very difficult to keep everything to myself. I don't want to feel like that, fantasize my death.
I did that earlier, became full crazy 2019, and since then, life has not been very nice to me. Something really bad had happened to me in past, which changed me completely. I am a very different person now. I am much better than 2019 though. 2020 was much better for me. Even though I spent so much time all alone, without interacting with a single soul for so many months. I was at peace. But, today the crazy thoughts were coming back. I have to get my energetic and fun self back.
Let's try one day at a time. I will try to have a nice day for a change tomorrow, wake up on time. And then exercise for half an hour, take a shower and then study for 4 hours, and only study my course, not anything else. And then enjoy.
Let's see if I can do this.
7:54pm: did classes for 1.5 hours and took a shower that's all.
Regards,
Anne