February 04, 2021

 

Dear Diary,

I sorted out my differences with S, I agreed with him that my ex was not a good person after all. But, later I realised why should I bother now. It's been a long time since we broke up, 1 year 4 months. Good for me, I am over him anyways.


Even though I have a "date", but it's just for namesake, there is nothing romantic  between us. We don't talk to each other much, or flirt. We never call each other. But as my best friend wanted us to date, we just considered it as a date. We are like this for a year now, and it's upsetting. He does share his problems with me, and sometimes I also share a few things. He is not even a good friend yet. It's upsetting for me. I think of cutting him off from my life frequently. But I still kinda like him, so I haven't done it yet. 


I had hopes of a happy relationship, that I will meet someone and we would be happy together forever. Being 26, now I have the pressure to get married in next 2 years. I will turn 27 this month. Time is running out, and I still have not met someone like that. So, I am giving up. Happily ever after is not going to happen for me. 


I don't find motivation to do anything nowadays, which is a problem though. My mom was saying today that I always have a sad look in my face. I shouldn't worry much. 


I have decided to pray to God every night before going to sleep from now onwards. Maybe I will be more positive after that. 




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