Dear Diary,
The need of the hour is writing.
I'll start with a weird dream i had today.
Somehow I have bought a 6 channel mixer. 🙀🙀 for 70,000. A 6 channel mixer ? Whyyyy ?? 😀😀. And now i am regretting, thinking it may not be of much use and 70,000 is a ridiculously huge amount for a mixer. I am trying to give excuses to the salesman now for returning it....
Weirdest dream i think. Do our dreams really have some meaning? at least they should be associated with our life in some deep-down way... I dont know how..
These days i am seeing more people, people with less money. And every time i am seeing them, i feel, there is something calling me, like my life is trying to tell me something and i am not understanding it. These people always have deep expression on their faces, i rarely see these expression with most people in my circle. Most people in my circle are either laughing or are neutral and sometimes have busy expressions, but these people, its different, often they have this, lost in thoughts expression. I wonder what they think about. Sometimes its a deep hope expression. Sometimes, they look very fierce as if ready for some fight, as if they are always ready for some sort of fight(I wonder if they always have difficult situations in life). Sometimes they have very deep sad expression, and sometimes they are laughing, or begging for silly things like a flag.
I am not glad that i have a different life from theirs, I think being glad isn't right. Why is this difference. I dont know if we are lucky or not lucky, or if we are all playing our role in some bigger mission... But i just feel that my life is calling me for something and i am not understanding it..
Maina maasi passed away few days ago. Her face, i remember it and the feeling that, now that face, which once existed, which was once reality, which had some stories a character, thats all gone. Its not a reality anymore. I know, i know, if you read it again someday, it may sound like i am just being insane, overthinking. I mean we all know that we all die someday. I understand that, and we usually don't think about it, but if we do, it feels a big deal, i mean, the stories, how she lived, how she raised her kids, what she liked, what she dint like, what she cared about, what she dreamt of... everything has become meaningless. Talking about her has become meaningless now.
The things which were real once, are no longer real. In an instant.
Thats what becomes of all of us. All the struggles we do, everything we care about, we dream about, the home, the partner, the big discovery, it'll all become meaningless, they are all real until I am.
Is there a way we can make life more meaningful, more real, has anyone done it before ? I am not sure if i can call steve jobs or einstien or gautam budha's life more meaningful.
Okay, that's it of me blabbering. =D
I'll post soon about my room decor. I painted the wall. Finally.
Goodnight 😘😘😘