January 31, 2021

 

Dear Diary,


They changed it so now we can only do our homework on tablets that are bolted to the tables and encased in some sort of hard plastic. They don't want to give us rubber pencils anymore, I guess they are a hazard and could be used as a weapon.

They forgot to give me my shower package yesterday. I guess I was suppose to get gel packets of deodorant as well. I also got a rubber razor which can only be used under supervision.

Yesterday when I was running in P.E., well more like jogging, my hair was driving me nuts. I wish they would give me hair tie to pull my hair back.

I barely got any sleep last night. The security guards come into your room and shine a light on you to make sure you are in bed and sleeping.

Therapy sucks! The security guards linger too much. I think a girl was in trouble last night because when security checks were going, I was awake because every time they come into my room I wake up, a girl was crying and security guards were mumbling something. 

When I was doing dishes this morning, they grabbed my arms to show me how to scrub this pan. I am aware how to do dishes, you take the scrubber and soap and water, then you rinse and push it down the line for someone to dry.

It gets crazy dark in our rooms at night. We don't have windows besides the little one on our doors. So we only get the little bit of light that shines through that. We are also locked in our rooms at night. 

We don't get to watch TV or read any books. The only time we can use the internet is when we don't get our work done and then we get exactly one hour, and then it shuts off on us. Some websites are blocked, practically any social media and probably anything inappropriate.

I have therapy for 2 hours everyday and 1 hour of a parenting class. Five hours of school too and 40 minutes of P.E. We also shower before bed and I have to help in the kitchen for about 45 minutes after each meal. 

Rooms have to be cleaned every Saturday. New bedding, floors scrubbed, toilets and sinks cleaned, and our desks wiped down.

My therapist really lays it on pretty thick with me. No doubt, everything is my fault. I have made a lot of bad decisions and I am now facing all those consequences. She said I can't blame Ryan or anyone else, which I don't. She said my actions speak otherwise. Clearly, I have a lot to learn.

I hate it here! Really hate it here! I guess it isn't supposed to be an enjoyable experience.

I am treated like a criminal, well we all are. 

Running on the track outside, looking at the three gates, guard towers, security guards roaming around, cameras everywhere, and the razor wire, just dampens the mood on being outside.

We really don't have time to socialize with anyone besides lunch and when we shower. They don't allow us to linger and socialize in the shower. We are also watched by female guards the entire time we shower and if we want to shave they take us to a single shower and monitor us the entire time with our rubber razor. 

I guess I better finish this stupid assignment before my timer runs out on here. 


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