January 04, 2021

Dear Diary,

Hii 

I just wanted to meet him for the last time but instead he blocked me on whatsapp. Coz he was not answering my calls and I texted him and said ki maine na tmko pareshan kr dena hai. And ye bhi bola maine usko that I was wrong saying him ki saaf dil k insaan ho, tum bilkul saaf dil k insaan nahi ho 😏. And sirf ye hi nahi maine usko kai baar kuch kuch aisa bola h jisse uska ego hurt ho. 

But fir bhi block hone k baad bhi meko chain nahi aaya maine text message kiya ki thanks for blocking me and blah blah and by doing this you expressed me that I am not good enough and maybe not good looking in your eyes 😄. And then I said ki I really liked you. But meko tumse kuch chahiye nahi tha. And wished him goodbye and good luck. Pta nahi usne ye msg padha ya nahi I don't know. Aur na phle bhi uske ajeeb behaviour k wajah se maine hmesha I tried to break all the ties fir wo ache se reply kr deta tha us msg ka to abhi tk chla ye sb. 

 Baki jagah toh block nhi kiya usne meko . Insta pr abhi bhi follow kr ra h but meko ab usse baat nhi krna. Ab dil ko chain mil gya hai meko. Bhaad me jaaye faltu ka attitude leke. Aur bhaisahab attitude kis baat ka hai. Ek baar chup chap se call receive kr leta toh itta drama hi nahi hona tha. But I really wanted to meet him for the last time kynki wo ja ra h ab yaha se. Koi nahi aaj hi maine socha tha ki quality time spend krne ka but koi nahi everything happens for good. Waise bhi phle usne hi puchha tha meko ki do I like him fir usko hi milna tha fir usko hi video call bhi krna hota tha then jb maine bola bht time baad I do like him toh usne bola tha ki by the way I also like you and us din toh love you bhi bola tha usne 😂😂😂  uske baad dhire dhire se when I really liked him behaviour hi Change hone lg gya.

Thodha time lagega but I will move on. 

Sayad ab thik se focus kr paun. Nind bhi aa ri h. Headache ho ra hai.

Padhna bhi hai but I am not feeling good mentally thik hu but physically weak feel ho ra h maybe bp low ho gya hai. Abhi khane ka mann nhi h. Sone ka mann ho ra hai but nind aayegi ya nahi abhi ye pta nahi aur padhna bhi toh hai.

Thodha rest kr leti hu eyes ko thodha aaram mil jaayega.

Aur kya likhun bhuk bhi lg ri hai . Kha bhi leti hu. I'm not heartbroken but I wanted him in my life for atleast sometime so that we could have some good memories.

Ho skta hai ki uske bhi exams honge baad me abhi date nahi aaya hai but bola tha ki bahut ache se prepare krna hai and mere wajah se disturb hota ho usko but ye chiz saaaf saaf bol skta tha. Koi nai. Jaane diya. Holding on hurts. But I will miss him for sometime. First time heartbreak experience kr rhi hun, actually heartbreak phle hi ho gya tha abhi heal hone ka time hai.

Ab khud ghar jayega na agar toh akele rahega na tb smjh aayega usko mera situation sayad se.

Aur ab na meko ye sb chiz se dur hi rhna hai. Coz kuch nahi dard milta hai and anxiety. Aur jb koi chiz aap siddat se chaho toh wo aur dur chle jaati hai apse. 

Thik hai 2020 me mila and 2020 k khatm hote sath dosti bhi khtm.

Chlo ho gya aur likhne ka mann nahi.

I will try to be super happy from tomorrow. 

Bye 

~ you know my name 😂