Dear Diary,
There is so many things right now in limbo. I don't know if this is working with Kemper. I know I should stay because the alternative is that I will be on my own and that doesn't ever seem to work out. I don't want to go home either.
Kemper is pushing so much for me to talk to my parents. I don't want to nor am I ready even if I wanted to.
We kind of had an argument this morning. I was once again crying about why Ryan won't talk to me. (Yep, I need to get a grip) And Kemper asked if I wanted to know why I am so upset about this? He didn't wait for me to even respond to that question. He said that in his perspective, he sees that I only see my worth/happiness with Ryan and when he turns away or leaves, it puts me in a state of depression and self-destruction. Then I try to compensate for it all by sleeping with men to feel wanted or needed. Or I drink or use drugs to numb all my feelings. I also run away from all my problems and don't want to deal with any of it. He then said that anyone who tries to help, I shut out of my life.
Like seriously, shut the fuck up! I am so pissed with his unsolicited advice/perspective. It made me realize that I don't think this is the place for me.
He had to leave for work after our little discussion, more like him talking and me just sitting there fuming. I didn't have anything to say to him after his comment. He kind of just lingered a bit, thinking I would respond but I had absolutely nothing to say to him.
The more I think about it, the more I just need to figure out where I need to be. I need to find my own place and get back to working.
God Ryan, if you would just respond to a fucking email. Just one! Is that so damn hard?!