Dear Diary,
I tried to tell myself over and over that I was done with Ryan. It didn’t work, I cried and cried last night. I couldn’t bare it anymore so I crawled into Kemper’s bed and cried some more. He held me all night.
This morning he said that he is absolutely disgusted with Ryan and is very upset about how upset I am about him. He said he will try to be more understanding to a certain level.
It isn’t going to matter regardless. I could care less what Kemper thinks or feels about Ryan. For that matter, anyone else.
He is working on some estimates at the shop right now so I have the place to myself. A nap is in order. I’m exhausted from crying so much and lack of sleep.
I stole his blanket so I could smell him while I napped. Maybe I won’t feel so alone then.
I feel sorry that Kemper is putting up with any of this. I’m a child and act like it a lot. I’m stubborn! I don’t listen! I still don’t know why he wants me around. Are we getting closer? A little I think.
I am able to talk more around him and he has been making me feel safe. It is comforting having him around. I doubt he feels the same about me.
I did clean his place today as I feel like I’m intruding in his space and life. Which he has made it more than clear he wants me to be here but I still feel that way. I still don’t like being dependent on him.
He is kind of sweet, he gave me a few old sweatshirts of his since I am always complaining about being cold.
I wonder what Ian is up to? Every time I hear my email notification, I instantly hope it is Ryan or Ian. Normally Ian responds to my emails but I have yet to get a response. He is like me, the holidays suck!
Anyway, I’m going to nap