Dear Diary,
The only highlight of the day is talking to my friend today and getting stoned.
Ryan is still not talking to me. You would think over time I would quit crying but at the thought of his name, I just break down. Like right then, I was crying for a good ten minutes before I resumed.
I cut a little today and it helped with the crying. Then I remember how pissed Ryan got when he knew I was cutting and then I cried about him again and the fact that I cut.
I hate this. I hate not having Ryan in my life. He was always supposed to be there. Why does he think he can just walk away from me?
I know I am still alive when I see more bruises or old ones healing. The pain of them lets me know that my body is still living. Because I feel dead and numb.
Please Ryan, wherever you are, email me, send a bird, telegram, smoke signal, something.... I can't do this without you. It hurts too much