Dear Dragonfly,
This pandemic has been very difficult for me. Not being able to work has been the worse part of it. I am smart and have not only a Bachelor's degree but also a Master's. Having employers pass me by based on my education is disheartening. Then the solitude of being in the house has become a bigger burden.
The solitude brings back my PTSD. One of my apartment neighbors is abusive to his partner, and the abuse endured from my ex-husbands comes flooding back. What's worse, I think I am going through the change early. I am 41! I have not even had the chance to be a mother. Except for twice. Once to my 2nd husband's daughter. The other time just for a few weeks, when I discovered I was pregnant with my Rapists baby. This may not be popular, but I had to make a tough decision. All these emotions are amplified by the pandemic.
I am single, and I think it is best that way. I have too much baggage. I have love to give, but too many walls. Plus, what man wants to be with a woman that's been married and divorced three times!!! None. When I went on dates, they all asked, "What's wrong with you?" Nothing. I just happened to marry three abusers. I got out. That was the important thing. If I get married a 4th time, I am making damn sure this time he's not an abuser. It is just hard being alone. There is no one to lean on but myself. That is why the unemployment situation is so hard.
On a positive note, my weight loss journey is getting better. I have lost 5 pounds. I am doing it by fasting 14 hours a day then eating for a few hours. I cook healthy meals and staying on track. I am not emotionally eating. Well enough, depression for one day.
Signing off