Dear Diary,
i took a huge step today as i gathered up all the courage and told my mom that i wanted to quit my job. I havent been working in this company for long, but at the starting phase of it i knew i just wasnt supposed to be here.
i came in a couple of minutes late, and as if the universe heard that intense conversation, our trainer was initiating an open forum among us. She was asking us what we were thankful about and stuff. I feel like she started asking these questions because we just lost an employee this weekend, Rose, who was i guess, five years older than me. We were close. I was the only one who knew her struggles and she knew my sentiments against working for this job. We actually questioned ourselves why we were here. But as if her angels were helping her, she caught a fever and used that as a reason to resign (fevers can be much worse in the pandemic). When it was my turn to get asked i told my truth, and said that i find myself contemplating a lot whether or not im supposed to be here, and just laughed it off at the end of the sentence to make it light, but in reality, i was clenching the tears lumping up in my throat. All my colleagues were so grateful and thought of this job as a miracle, but i just dont know why i dont look at my circumstance the same way.
Im thinking about whether or not to draft my resignation letter already. im also contemplating whether to meet up with my trainer first then tell her everything in person. You know that time when everyone tells me its a great opportunity that im here, but deep inside me i feel otherwise? I hope i muster all the courage to just walk out and acknowledge the consequences i should probably bear after losing a job.
The thing is, i have plans for myself where i know im going to feel happier and fulfilled. But nobody knows my plans, i never really talked about them and never really asked for help to develop them. I just cant figure out where to continue with everything, or where i stand, or will i be okay after losing a job that i hate. What if something unexpected comes where im gonna need the money but im broke, you know. Who knows where im gonna end up from here.