November 28, 2020

Dear Diary, so today I played a few rounds of Among Us with some people from one of my seminars. It was ok. I'm not good at the game (it was my first time playing) and I didn't know anybody. Still I couldn't help but notice how much better everyone else is at this. I don't mean the game, I mean socializing just talking with people they don't know.

This scares me. It has always scared me every time I encounter it. The thing is I don't even want to be like them. I recognize how much easier they have it, to achieve the things I want, but I just don't want to be like them. There are always a very select group of people I can be that open with and it's hard to find these people.

So all these things I keep complaining about, how men have it hard and so on.

 Maybe they just apply to me and I'm just a very selfish person. The guys in that group certainly don't have the problems I do with connecting to people. Maybe it's just me who is whining about not finding a girl who falls into the very specific categories I like in other people and also is my type physically and also likes me back. That is probably such a low chance I can basically give up.

It's not even really social anciety that is holding me back. I'm just antisocial. And who would like a guy like that.

In other news, Belle texted me today because a creepy neighbour of hers is sending her dirty messages through bluetooth. She said he did other stuff in the past too, which is why she blocked him on Whatsapp. But now he tries to connect his phone to her computer and gives it names like "I will show you my big dick". What a terrible person and he is even married apparently. I told her to call the police if he keeps herassing her.

Women really do have it hard, dealing with things like that. She even said that she is used to things like this happening from time to time. What is wrong with men like that? I don't even understand why they send their dickpics to women. I would feel terrible doing that. But apparently they get some sort of exhibitionist enjoyment out of it? Or do they really think women like this?

Anyway good night to all of you!