November 27, 2020

I have two questions for tonight

1. Am I being too selfish for choosing the lesser wayofgetting hurt?

2. Am I being hard for trying to be selfish?

=> I am supposed to sing at my friend's wedding tomorrow but 2 days ago I decided to tell her I couldn't attend. I told her I had a close contact with my cousin whose almost entire family tested positive with CoVid(this is true but this is not the real reason). I could not find happiness attending my friend's wedding because this special occasion is one of those things I have been longing to be answered and as per my current situation Ido not know if it will still happen. My friends kept mocking me why I am still unmarried despite being in a relationship, well some things aren't really happening no matter how much we plan or prepare for it🙁

=> Today he opened up his feelings and sad stories with me again. He kept telling me how thankful he is for having me and he admitted again all his lapses and flaws...well this is not something that makes me happy actually. Why? Because this is not the 1st time I heard his words again. Everytime he gets a chance to talk things out then word war starts again after some days. I feel sorry and hurt seeing him so down and helpless.🙁

I am growing tired and tired. I don't even know now what will really make me happy🙁 all I know is praying is the only way I could do. Praying not for my wishes to be answered but praying just to keep me going forward🙁 hmm really tired sometimes