November 13, 2020

Dear Diary,today I thought about ending my life again... there are too many factors that influence this thoughts,  I've tried my best to recover from depression because I hate being sad and caring about every single thing in my life. It was a good 6 months on not thinking on hurting myself but my brain again thinks randomly on accidents or things that haven't happened yet. There are so many bad things and people and I dont want to hurt them but it just seems impossible to fix somethings. I wish I was stronger to change how things in my life have happened. Maybe I wouldn't be a loser maybe I would have something good in my life besides of ruining everything for everyone and watching also them falling apart. I wish I could have the power of telling them that things need to be changed in order to improve... but I can't. I dont want to hurt myself more that I'm already am. I wish someone could help me and my family but its impossible apparently.... please please god take the pain away... don't bring more pain please please please just make it stop