November 06, 2020

 

Dear Diary, so 2 hours ago Belle wrote me that she is sick and feels like she is dying. She is feeling dizzy, has a fever (sadly she doesn't have a thermometer) and has pain too. Of course she thinks she has Corona and that she got it from a kid in her Kindergarden whose father had Covid. 


I couldn't do much for her accept assure her that everything is going to be fine. Sadly she doesn't have Aspirin. Instead she took some leftover Penicilin she still had. (Against my advice, that stuff is against Bacteria and she probably has a virus) I also said she should call an ambulance if it's getting worse.


Not sure if I handled that situation correctly. She kept saying that I don't understand her. But I was just asking questions to try to help her. And if I say stuff like "Don't worry, it's going to be fine" she thinks that I don't take her seriously and don't believe it's serious. So how am I supposed to give emotional support then.


She hasn't answered in an hour. Either she called that ambulance or she fell asleep. I just hope she is ok. Sorry, that I couldn't do more.


It feels selfish but I also want to talk about myself a bit. Lately I've been feeling ugly. People have sometimes told me that I look good (Including once on this App, I don't forget) But I keep doubting it. My physique is fine I think. Since I started working out again, I've been looking more muscular again. I'll never be the thin type, but I'm not overweight either. But I don't like my face I always look goofy in every picture.


I've been thinking about my appearence again,  because of all the Zoom Meetings I've been attending since the new semester. So I have to stare at myself a lot. And all those girls in the Zoom Meeting see me too. I'm thinking about getting a different camera, because mine is made for wide shots and I have to zoom in on myself a lot. If I had a camera that focused on my more naturally I'd probably look better. 


I just have to keep thinking about how no girl has ever liked me. And I just can't do anything about it. No matter what I do it doesn't help.


Germany is in it's second lockdown right now. This Covid Pandemic is here to stay. I'm not able to meet any new girls and online dating is silent like always. I still havent cuddled with anyone in over 15 years and it seems the world is against me. I think I will cave in and get a freaking body pillow.


Well, in other news at least the US elections seems to go to Biden. I've been following that a lot the last 2 days. The US are important to everybody in the world I feel like. Hopefully the US will join the Paris climate agreement again so we have some hope of stopping global warming.


It's baffling how so many Americans can still vote for Trump after he messed up the Covid response so badly, got impeached and had more scandals than every other politician on the planet combined. I know Republicans live in a media bubble where Democrats are seen as evil Communists, but still. Trump has every bad characteristic ever, how can they see him as a patriotic christian or whatever? The Democrats would be a very conservative party here, why isn't that enough for Americans?


Good Bye!

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