October 18, 2020


Dear Diary,

How is life going ? 

Its not great. It has not been this year, atleast after the corona thing. Not because of it. Its just for time refrence. 

I dont remember if it was great last year. 

These days, i am thinking about life.. And things i want to do... Travelling, seeing other people, learning other languages,living in Europe, marrying a girl from a foreign land 😀. Disovering something new.. I dont have time for anything now... I really don't understand, what has changed in the years... 

(One thing for sure is, the client calls 😑. I dont want them to keep waiting, but they keep calling everytime. And for not so much profit margins...) 

I can't imagine talking to all of them as we grow more. 

I dont know what i want to write to you today. 

I went to dmart and picked a lot of things. 

In office, things are not very great. Kishore probably has corona, so is on leave, sandeep is not in office, neither vijay. Ramesh wants to leave, Bala is not as smart as i thought. Mayur still has a long way to go to become a responsible programmer. And alsmost everyone is in procastinating attitude. 

We have lot of feature requests, a lot of things to be done, products are still not very good. 

I read something yesterday that its very easy to create a company, but its really hard to convert it to a growing business. I have faith, that keeps me going, but i dont know for how long. Ad my birthday approaches and i am getting one more year older, i feel more anxious and want to kick something. 

I am also little sad because i haven't spoken with her, its been long..  Also i feel little guilt in me thede days.. Not guilt but something like, swlf pity.. Like i lost weight and everyday i think of doing exercise and gaining some weight back but i am procastinating it.. 

And i waste so much time in doing mundane things like making a walnut tea. I wonder if elon musk would sit and spend an hour in taking walnuts kernels out of shell. 

I want to do big tjings, i keep tslking about them, but truth is i am only absorbing myself into smaller non significant things like making hummus or spending hours in making stir fried vegetables 😑

I have spend atleast 30+hrs by now looking at macbook and other laptops on websites, and haven't been able to buy yet. 

I have to change, otherwise i'll always be just cursing myself like this. And this won't do any good. 


First thing first, i have to start meditating regularly again. Then i can tap into other things.