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Dear Diary, so I decided that I won't do the full 15 page paper like I planned and will instead do the 5 page essay. I wasn't really feeling the subject and I don't want to stress myself out to get those missing pages done.
I already submitted that I would write a paper, but it was only per e-mail not officially in the office where they track these things. So if I just explain that I made a mistake and don't need the grade from the paper I think the professor will allow it. He is retiring now after all and my friend said that she would maybe not submit hers at all. I'm still a bit nervous, but I am 80% sure it will be ok.
I want to write the paper in a seminar about videogames this semester instead I decided.
So the past two days I didn't have much contact with Belle, but surprisingly Knight has one of her talkative phases again.
She bought a Nintendo Switch and sent me picture of it on her bed with the words "tah dah ๐". So we mostly talked about that and when her games would arrive.
It's so weird whenever I talk more with her again. A year ago I had such a big crush on her and stupidly imagined a whole future with us as a family or something.
But for some reason our conversations are always kinda awkward I have to admit. We are always talking about videogames, anime or youtube videos and it often just boils down to "I like this and I like that" Sometimes I try to ask more about her personal life, but she never shares much. And going deeper into the nerdy topics often just weighs the conversation to much down for her I feel. It doesn't help that we are talking in english I guess, which isn't native for either of us. She can write German, but then she takes even longer to write and I don't want to put her through this.
I have a very formal writing style when chatting and barely use any abreviations and stuff. And I feel like she wants to emulate that, even though she doesn't normally writes like this. But this is just my stupid style I don't mind if she is more casual. I don't want to stress her out.
Maybe we are just to similar in our personalities. We both had INFP as a result on that popular personality test. We don't want to hurt each other, but that keeps us from opening up to each other. I can speak much more freely with Belle even though she sometimes responds in a crazy way. But because she is like that I feel comfortable to share my stranger stuff to. Is that why people like extroverted people more.
I feel like you can talk about anything with me, but maybe people see me as too closed off, like I see Knight. I'm not sure though, I have had open conversations with other introverts too plenty of times.
Ok good night yall