Dear Diary, for long i have not try to love and relate nor care for my dad, i never did love my mom, maybe once. Until recently I did not understand what a parent love for his kids, i seldomly thought about my dad. Care for him. I am not confident to do the right thing anymore since my spirit sj was diminished. I have said it. Its all on the above that I did what I did, I had tried to do the right thing. And what i get. Now I would just live my life quietly and get this finished quickly. I stayed only because of the love that’s shown to me. The spirit sj has gone, so was my purpose and spirit.
I might have missed some things. My mistake. My sins. Dad has loved me but he has my siblings too so its hard to make a move, in addition to the abuse he suffered. I hurts my dad really bad. I deserve this i guess for making him feel that way. But still, for what my background has equipped me with, I was reluctant to pick that choice. Its the strings of the evil of the nature that I had believed in. I thought it was showing me the ultimate path.