Dear Diary, I was right Belle did contact me yesterday to meet. Today we go to the animal park and tomorrow we go to a sneak preview with another friend of hers.
Still I feel really bad today again. I read an article about "little hints" that women are suppisedly giving to men they are interested in. The biggest one being that they give them small casual touches. This scared me so much, because she never does this or anything else described there, except texting me late at night. And all these things she is doing with me, she is doing with other people too. So I'm probably just living an illusion 😥
In fact nobody ever did that "casual touching" thing with me, further cementing my thoughts that nobody likes me and nobody ever will. The only instance I can think of was when I was at a sort of uni party with my theatre group. I was sitting with my legs crossed, so one of my shoes was lifted up. And one of the girls from my group stood there for about a minute touching my shoe. It was weird because there was enough space for her to not touch it. So was that some hint and I should have done all that elusive flirting with her afterwards? Because she touched my shoe with her leg? I have no idea.
About 2 months later I learned that she has a boyfriend and it looked like they were together for some time. So had she been already in a relationship when she touched my shoe and it really was nothing?
She later also said to me, after forgetting to say goodbye to me: "You are the person, you always overlook." There is probably some truth to that.
So yeah I'm sorry to all the great women out there, but it just feels like you don't care avout us men, and me specifically. The only hints I've seen of women being really interested in a man were online. Maybe it's because I'm the guy you always overlook. Sucks to be me.