I turned over in bed to finally go to sleep and then the God of Creative Writing called upon me. When he calls upon you, thou shalt not disobey. His blessings are far and few between since my early teens. When I'm presented a gift of inspiration from the God of Creative Writing, I eagerly take it. Such a blessing is short and slippery, if I don't act quickly, I'll lose it altogether.
So I delayed my sleep and wrote a poem in about 30 minutes. It's short and probably not perfect, but I like it. It felt good to release myself once more.
I used to write creatively all the time when I was a young teen. I had short stories and poems and I received a lot of praise from the friends and family I showed them to.
I wrote the most when I was severely depressed. Dark and sad poems, especially. I hated writing poems for school. I hated having to follow meter and rhythm and etc. Let me be free.
I started taking antidepressants when I was 17, initially for anxiety and then my dosage increased when I was diagnosed with depression. At the same time, I started to write less and less. I honestly got worried that I wouldn't be "me" anymore if I took the medication. Writing was the only thing that really held me together and allowed me to express myself and I couldn't do it anymore. It was a scary time.
I'm not sure how I got through that.
I found myself writing maybe one or two poems a year after that. Maybe occasionally brainstorming a story idea, but never even wrote anything down.
The most that I've written since high school was in April when I wrote three poems and a short story, all within a week. At that time, I had Jon as my muse, which sucks in retrospect. I wrote some good shit, but it was about a shitty guy. Ugh.
Da was my muse for this poem.
I wish I could write regularly. I wish I wrote well enough that I could sell it. But I also don't want to be famous at all. Ick. And I definitely don't want to be pressured to write. That absolutely kills my desire to write.
I write when the desire strikes me.
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