Dear Diary, this is part 2 about Belle.
So in that time when she had that on/off relstionship with that abusive guy, we started meeting each other more. First we met for studying and then for walking/hiking.
As I said we texted a lot too. So if course her boyfriend hears from this and thinks we have something. And makes her ask me if I want something from her. I mean yes, but also no because it would have been too fast for me. So I kinda lied and said no.
And she agreed. So that showed me that she is not interested in me. But he is still not happy. He gives her an ultimatum. Me or him and she has to answer at a certain time or he will never message her again. He even did a countdown.
This was designed to trigger her anxiety, but she still said that she would do such an decision. Amd then he really didn't contact her for a while, which was good for her. But then he did again and more stuff happened between them.
But eventually she managed to get away from him for good. And we didn't talk for a while.
We talked about my own relationship problems too. But like most girls she couldn't really understand it. She just said that I should do a trip to another couktry and then I would find someone. She doesn't understand that that doesn't solve the problem. Nobody is interested in me. Not here or elsewhere.
She also said that I had to do more adventures till I find my princess. Like it was some great reward for something great you have to do. That really hurt me to be honest. Other people have girlfriends as teenagers and have a new relationship every month. She herself has had a lot of boyfriends. But I have to go to another country first and do all konds of other stuff just to find one girl who will actuall like me. That is just cruel. Its so easy for other people. And I get no love until I save the world or something. I literally just want someone to hug and cuddle and do stuff for. And who says nice things and who I can say nuce things to. Oh man.......
We didn't talk for a while then, but then after Corona had been going for a while we started again. Mostly walks outside. I'm just more comfortable with that right now. And we were walking A LOT. I've never met anyone who likes to go on hikes to random citys as much.
We would literally just take a random train, get out on a station we liked and walk around there for hours.
And she wants to do this multiple times a week. That made me think that she might be interested in me after all. I mean who would want to do this with me of all people? I'm not a very taökative or funny person. Why does she want to spend so much time with me?
I really like her doing this. It's kind of like the Manic Pixie Dream girl trope or the way Aerith goes around town woth Cloud during Final Fantasy 7. It just feels so good when a girl seems to enjoy your company. But I can't really trust it.
She is a bit crazy and it could totally just be a friends thing.
She is also 30, so 4 years older than me. Her ex was 34. She talks about wanting kids sometimes. And here I am like a teenager just wanting my first girlfriend. I don't mind hee age at all, but I'm probaly to young in her eyes. Being a guy just sucks so much. You are never in the right age.
There have been some things that I don't like avout her though. Mostly political stuff. She said that she feels bad for Trump or the right wing party AFD here in Germany. And she is also a bit of an Corona sceptic.
I know that it's just because she doesn't know much about these subjects though. She just goes with her feelings. I wish she knew a bit better what she is talking about though.
Well I might as well tell you what happened today. We went to gay club with one of her gay friends. First we were outside in a pub but then we went to this club where about 30 people were in a small room.
I shouldn't have done this, I feel so bad.
Hopefully I didn't get Corona, I live with my mom who is 60 and I'm really afraid about her.
But I really want to finally have a girlfriend and I just cling to this hope even if it is small. I know I shouldnt do stupid stuff like that for her. But I want her to like me so bad :(
Well maybe I will talk more about this next time, for now take care