Dear Diary,
I know you get tired of me but shoot what else are you here for? To listen to me complain!🤣 so today I finally freaking threw up. Every since I found out my boyfriend cheated on my i have had this feeling of needing to throw up but it would never happen. Well it happened today. When I took a shower I just stood under the water and thought about everything and cried. I thought about how he would tell them they were beautiful but not me. How he paid for pictures and videos even tho we were supposed to be saving for a wedding and owe my uncle money plus let's not forget the bills.it hurt that he used his money to pay when im right here. I thought about how he can have long conversations with them well if thats what they were like he says...but we hardly ever do unless we are fighting. I thought about how he would sext with them and tell them what he wanted to do to them, yet when we have sex its ALMOST always the same thing so how much can u actually come up with? I just sat there and thought about all of that and cried while I did. When I finally stopped I got out of the shower and when I was drying off I looked at my body and the mirror and bam I threw up. Why the frig would he want my body? My body is a big blob. The thoughts have had me wanting to throw up but looking at my body finally actually made it come up. So then of course I started crying again and now here it is I feel like i could throw up again typing all this out and thinking about it all over again. I wanna get past this so bad. Is there somewhere I can to and sigh a paper to have that part erased from my mind? I dont wanna think about it anymore.....