August 16, 2020

 

Dear Diary,


Sgt noe


If you are alive and you remember me


Sorry, I grew up pretty dark, but if you ever see her, or hear her, its like you are looking at my soul, 


Why does it feel like this beautiful stranger is leaving me exposed???


She is just amazing right? She's an awesome performer and SHE KEEPS BLOWING ME AWAY!


IDK WHY BUT IF SGT NOE CAN SOMEHOW SEE HER TOO, IM LEAVING MYSELF SO DAMN EXPOSED



THIS IS ALL JUST HYPOTHETICAL 


GREAT FUCKING MUSIC TO ME


A FANTASY



SHES JUST A HUMAN FANTASY, I DONT KNOW WHY SHES TOO HOT TO HANDLE SHE JUST IS CUZ ITS SO REAL TO ME! FUCK I LOVE WATCHING HER SING! WHY CANT I LOOK AWAY? ITS TOO INTENSE AND WAY TOO AMAZING! SHE IS SO CREATIVE TOO, SHE LIKES TO PAINT AND SHES JUST IDK FUCK AWESOME!


WHO KEEPS SAYING YOU ARE TOO OLD STILL? YOU ARE JUST LIKE WHAT 2 OR 3 YEARS OLDER OR SOMETHING


IDK


WE MET WHEN I WAS 18

YOU WERE A SGT IN YOUR EARLY 20S, YOU WERE NEVER TOO OLD YOU JUST OUTRANK ME AND UM RANK????



SGT


ME


LCPL?


TECHNICALLY LEGAL

BUT FUCK RANK

ITS GETTING IN THE WAY


IM ADMIN I SEE THE LOOPHOLES

BUT DAMN 


WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING ME ABOUT IN PUBLIC?


CUZ HELLO SEX METAL BARBIE!


I HAVE SO MUCH DAMN BAGGAGE,


BUT IM FINALLY ABLE TO LET GO OF THE BAG AND JUST THINK OF THE GOOD


DAMN WHAT A GREAT MEMORY


BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW 


I DIDNT GROW UP CUTE


I GREW UP DISTORTED 


THIS IS JUST A DIARY


NOTHING WRONG WITH PUTTING IT IN HERE RIGHT?


I'm just trying to say im not a little girl any more at all


I'm 30


I'm fucking old, but finally learned how to express my raw emotion...the thing is back in 2012 I was diagnosed with ptsd and aspergers


Then in 2013 it turned high functioning autism level one, people keep telling me im stupid because they can't speak my language 


But how is it we can talk so casually and out of nowhere you with damn I didnt know you were that smart


Well literally its just because my biological father was a computer programmer who taught me "computer" in the 90s and somehow, that's my first language


And im from a multicultural family sooo 


Too many words, I think Im speaking English but why is no one actually listening but you??? Why are you taking me so seriously?


Im just a joke right?

Hypothetical question?


Idk you tell me


Is the answer to the big bang theory a 0 or a 1


I can see both? Either way its good? Cuz do you know binary code???? Its in music??

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