Story time,
How I lost my virginity...
(Btw this is excessivly long, fully understand if you don't wanna read, but its about the beginning and end of how I met a girl and ended up losing my v-card, also its not as obvious as you would think *wink wink*)
One school day morning I get up, get ready for school, and headout the door to catch the school bus that I had been riding for 4 years. Just like any other morning, I get on the bus, pick the same seat that I do every moring and lean my head against the window and take a little nap. I expected just as everyone else did that we would continue our normal routine stop schedule, as I set my head against the window for my nap, I inconviently felt a new and abrupt stop which hit me harder than normal because I wasn't expecting it so I damn near face planted the seat in front of me. It was pretty obvious to me and the rest of the bus that we had a new student. Everyone out of curiousity was looking out the windows, around and over their seats to see who the new kid was. It was a girl, she looked near my age, maybe a year or two younger (to be fair I looked about 3 years older than I was), I notice she was very... and I mean very attractive. This was a shock to me considering I didn't really find any of the 600 kids in my school attractive at all excluding the few I had dating relations with in the past. She sat near the front of the bus which was a relief to me because it meant that she wouldn't try to interact with me if she sat near or across from my seat, and yes, I was a shy kid when it came to meeting new people, I just didn't know how to react, I'm well known for being the only introvert in my family, a reputation that never leaves unfortunately.
We arrive at the school and me being the charming guy I was (sarcasm), let her infront of me in the line of kids walking off the bus. I immidieatly regreted it because that would give her a reason to speak to me, whether that be thanking me for letting her step in line or wanting to start up a conversation, unfortunately this was the case, on the plus side though, it was only a few words.
There was a bit of a walk to cover when commuting from the bus to the actual highschool which was... very unforunate when it was raining or was freezing as hell. As I'm walking, the new girl and a friend she had seemed to make in the span of 30 seconds, was walking a few feet to my right and the new girl said "Heyyy" in a flirtatious manner. I smirked a bit and kept walking, I knew girls like her were trouble and just kept walking instead of sparking up something that may end up going downhill in a few months time.
After I got my stuff from my locker, I headed to spanish and veiwing straight into the classroom from my locker I saw her, my thoughts: "Looks like we got first period together". I noticed she had her bookbag sitting behind her desk and warned her about the rules the school has against having bookbags in class, it was a new rule because of all the school shootings that had been happening recently. She said she was aware and that a few others had already told her, I headed to my assigned desk. When the period started, the teacher notice the new student and asked what her name was, she replied "Hailey". The teacher at a point in the class said she can leave it in the room for the remainder of the period but told her to make sure she puts it in her locker before next period starts. Going into next period, I saw we had that period together to, but didn't interact at all.
Through out the day, I had asked a few of my buds about her, from what I was hearing, she was a rather bitchy/mean type of girl which was exactly my type at the time, and it was also my exact personality. I liked the mean personality because once you spend enough time with someone, they come out of their hardshell when they are around you and are soft on the inside and have the sweestest and most attractive personality.
I didn't have another class with her until 7th(last period of the day) peroid, which was english and I did something a little flirty in that class and it definetely grabbed her attention.
Ever since I can remember I was a rebel in school, and that goes all the way back to first grade(skipping kindergarten because I was not as bad that year), so I was one of those kids that hung with the bad crowd, was involved with drugs and alcohol, I was a towny so to speak, I wore my typical southern outfit, jeans and boots with a browning brand belt buckle and my camoflouge hoody, the difference between me and the rest of the south was that I had a bit of a thugish vibe to me as well, the people I had hung out with rubbed off on me, so I wore that typical outfit but I had my hood up which in highschool, told people the type of person you are. It was like the difference between Socs and Greasers. Wearing a hood meant you ran with the rest of the boys that wore one and to the perfect lifes of girly girls and boys who were raised by perfect parents, it was looked down upon to wear a hood, but there was also a middle ground for people that socialized with us, but just werent part of us.
From where I sitting in the classroom, me and Hailey were facing eachother, but she was about 15-20ft away at a separate group of desks (For some reason there was a long table in the room and thats where I sat instead. Around the middle of class, which was about 45 minutes in, Hailey and I caught eyes and within a split second... I winked at her and I know that may not seem like a big deal but It is was because she smiled, and remember I said earlier that she was already known on her first day to be a mean bitchy girl and I, with a simple wink managed to break her wall. Right after that I pulled out my phone, I don't remember exactly why but It could only be for a few reasons, checking the time; reading my notifications; or turning off my phone because it had a low battery because I spent a lot of time on my phone at school daily.
Im gonna go a little off subject here to talk about minors fearing elders. When I hit 15 years old I came to the conclusion that my parents, nor teachers, or anyone can force me to do anything, besides police officers of course. I started thinking logically about it and had and still have the mindset nobody is forcing me to do anything because they can't, I'm simply agreeing to do what they ask of me and I can choose whether I want to do it or not, and you might think "what about the consequences" well in that matter, you choose whether to face them or not. I know it sounds kinda like a rebelious mindset but its just logical thinking, and I do 99.99% of what I'm told, given that the reasoning behind the command makes since. I'm sure many of you reading this have heard the phrase from your parents "because I said so" and if my mom says that to me, I simply just don't do the assigned task because I want reasoning for the command that in my head seems completely non-productive. This also goes along with punishments, If i have done something wrong and my parent wants to punish me for it, and I know 100% that I was in the wrong, then I will willfully take on whatever punish she see's fit but if they try and punish me from a biased mindset then I won't do what they want and just ignore them and if it gets physical, I'm stronger and taller than both my parents so holding them off [not hitting, i'd never do that to my mother, my drunk ass father is a different story] isnt hard at all. These situations often happen to me in school, and I only wrote this paragraph to talk about this in particular. Often times teachers assume that students will automatically do anything they say because they are teachers and i think that they have this mindset because 99% of students in school will do what the teacher says because they fear the teacher because they are in "authourity". I came to the realization of this when I moved to a new school last year. The teacher on the daily was saying I wasn't working on an assignment because he could see my screen from his monitor on a new software called Gogo Guardian. The thing is, even though I completed a question, the next page on the screen will bascially look exactly like that last if you didn't memorize the previous question. So when he called me out for not doing work (even though I was), I tried to explain to him why it looked as if I was doing nothing the whole period and he basically called me liar. So I closed my laptop and went on my way to walking out of the room to go sit in the office in peace and quiet till next period, but he interupted me
teacher: "where ya going?"
me:"to the office" *in confusion of why he cares or is asking me*
teacher:"so you're just gonna go without asking?"
me:" uh didn't know I was expected to" *with an uncontrolable grin*
He asked why and I explained to him why I felt he was treating me unfairly, he tried defending himself by saying that he bothers every student in the class but the difference was that he bugged a couple of different students every day but he was on my ass the whole period and sometimes it was for just random shit. So we argued a bit and I went on to leave and sit in the office. So my point is that he expected me to ask, he felt that he was in so much authority that I would ask him to leave a room that I couldn't stand to be in. This was a shock to me because in my old school I often left classrooms out of anger from a power tripping teacher and they never batted an eye because arguing with the student wouldn't make no difference. The school I used to go to had tough kids that didn't give a damn about what the teacher said, they only followed if what they were supposed to do had logical reasoning behind it. When you leave classrooms the teacher you were just with will call the office and say they sent you to the office, like damn, the teachers feel so SUPERIOR and are so PRIDEFUL that they will lie and say they sent you to the office instead of admitting that I, a student left the room of my own will, and thats not just on phone either, on detetion slips it says I was sent to the office and even when they mail your parents they say that as well. So they principal called me back, we had a chat and of course he was in favor of the teacher that pissed me off and probably told the principal a whole shit ton of lies to make me seem in the wrong. Another thing, I used to be scared of principals as most students are, and even some of the goody toe shoe kids still are even tho we are in 11th grade. Principal visits fly over my head, I couldn't care less about them. So back to where I left off (was looking at my phone for some reason) p.s. I think its funny when teachers threaten do call the principal or take my phone if im caught on it cuz i just dont give a damn. My phone is mine and if you think your gonna take it, you wrong as hell.
So I'm doing something to my phone and the teacher Mrs.Ogle catches me on it and tells me to give it to her, I of course say no and she threatens to send me to the offices if I don't and I said "okayyy", so i stood up, slammed my chair into the desk to piss her off and walked out the door, this was honestly a fortunate even't because after winking at Hailey I didn't know what I'd do, you could say I bluffed my flirting ablilities a bit. After getting kicked out, I walked about 1.2mph to the highschool office so I could spend some more time on my phone because they tell you to set your phone on the office counter when your in there, and I have no problem with that because I got in trouble because I made a mistake and i know i deserve the punishment and you might think "well why didnt you just give the first teacher your phone" and i didn't because its my property and I'm just not okay with giving them my stuff unless its a super chill teacher that I like and I know I wouldn't have gotten in trouble in the first place unless i did something worth getting in trouble for in their classrooms. So that was the end of the day basically, I had to sit in the office for 25 minutes until the bell for school to be over rang.
Over overtime Hailey and I grew closer, not directly, but through our friends. We bascially adopted her into our little friend group of me, Tre, and a girl named Lydia. Well one day Lydia brought two big bottles of alcohol, they were poured from the original container into non-transparent flasks. Tre, Lydia, and Hailey drank a bit before first period, I chose not to drink any because there was cameras facing right at us, wasn't willing to take the risk of having that type of evidence against me if we got caught. Around half way through first period, we had a fire alarm go off, after all the students went outside, the four of us got together and drank a bunch of it, I wasn't worried because there was no cameras, at least none that could see me.
A little while later, Hailey got caught skipping classes and she was silently kicked out, which means she should have been expelled but the school decided to give her the opportunity to keep the expulsion off her record and switch back to her old school and of course this was devasting for me to hear. All my main friends were gone, tre, lydia, hailey, and a bunch of my other friends were gone. I was alone, and decided to just keep to my self for the remainder of the year.
I did get in trouble a lot, but all of the
occasions except 1 was just me having to sit in the office trying to duck my head down because if the principal saw me, Id be doomed. One day I got a friday school and the principal decided to let me off the hook just that once.
Lydia finally got back to school but she got expelled a few days later for pulling the fire alarm. Tre I think got expelled again but they let him do his home work at home, he got cut a little slack because he is an "I.E.P" student which just means he needs help with his homework more often than others do.
We all still kept in contact, me and Hailey most of all. Fast forward through a bunch of drama because me and Tre had both wanted Hailey but then he cheated etc... Around this time last year, actually funny thing... a few hours ago I got a notification that said "1 year ago" and it was a picture of me and Hailey. So yea around this time last year me and Hailey started talking, like dating talking and everything was going amazing. Our first date was the drive in theater, we had our first kiss, a first lot of kisses. Hailey had a tendency to move fast when it came to relationships, first date we had our first kiss and was making out in the back of her aunts car. After that I got to spend a day with her and stayed the night with her in a tent at a beach, her family took us there because there was suppose to be a meteor shower. There was, but it was nothing special, not that me and her were concerned about that. All night me and Hailey were on the verge of sex, it took so much will power not to have sex. We were so into eachother and it was a hot passionate make out season, hands were pleasuring eachother, genitals were rubbing against eachother, it was just an amazing night. Unfortunately around 4:30ish-a.m, her mom woke up while we were spooning about about to go to bed and told her to leave my tent, which meant sit outside in one of the lawn chairs or go into her families tent for the night. I guess they didn't trust us and who can blame them.
We dated for a while longer, then one day when she came over to hangout, we were wrestling around and after I pinned her to the couch she said "i gotta tell you something", I asked her "what?" and said "nvm" so I just shrugged it off. [Interuption: for the last week or so, Hailey had been hanging with an ex-boyfriend, she told me about him and asked if it was okay that they were hanging out as friends of course. I replied saying that I didn't mind only because I didn't wanna seem controling, this boys name is Jaden]. Later that day after she had left, me and my sister went to grab some fast food to bring home, I was already missing Hailey so I turned on my sisters data hotspot and used that for wifi because I didn't have my own data plan. I greeted her with "Hi" and she basically told me that she wanted to break up/take a break. At that moment, every piece of happiness I had in me shattered into a gazillion pieces. I had never felt so much pain in my life, for comparison, thats what I imagine the pain of losing a parent would feel like.
Tears instantly filled my motionless face, an overwhelming waterfall of water just pouring over my cheeks. I couldn't let my sister see me cry, so I quickly layed my seat all the way back so the tears would role down my temples into my hair rather than down my face. I held my phone over my face to continue talking to her, she lied and said that it was for the purpose of getting her life together, grades, work, getting a license, all that stuff but then I checked her snapchat story and I she posted that her and jaden were a thing now. I obviously understood. Long story short, I stopped texting her, held back my anger and tears until we got home, I walked straight passed the house, into my back yard, across the backyard fence and went to sit on a stone bench sitting next to a pond. I creid my eyes out there, sobbed and sobbed, after I was done, I got up and let my anger out on a tree, shredding my knucles in the process.
It took me a while but I managed to get her out of my life completely, Block buttons do exist but its hard to press it when someone means so much to you even if they did break you, but I managed to do so after 2-2.5 weeks and that was the end of me and Hailey's run.
When I was almost 13 years old, I met a girl named Lexus, she had gone to the school I'm going to now, which I had also been to before. So I didn't meet her for the first time at 12, we knew eachother years ago. She is 1-1.5 years older than me. When I turned 13, we had our first kiss a day or two after. For the next 2.5 years we were on and off because I only stayed with my grandparents for the summer, and I one point I had fully moved there but moved away again not long after. (Now I am nearly 17, and she is 18 years old).
About 2 weeks after we and Hailey broke up, I was still mad, I had been saving my virginity for Hailey for ages. I was mad and I guess my final move to let her fully go was to lose my virginity. Knowing Lexus, I knew she'd be down. Call it "friends with benefits" if you want. We had been together a lot in the past and even if we werent together and I went over to her house, we always ended up making out somewhere, simply just couldn't resist eachother unless one of us had motivation not to, we aren't cheaters and we agreed to never do anything sexual if we were with someone else. Thats essentially how "friends with benefits" work.
Rules:
1: Exclusive to eachother (no risk of STD's, plus as a guy, I'd feel weird knowing that someone else is having sex with the same girl as me. This rule isn't really needed because we both agree it's just wrong not to be exclusive.
2: Secrecy, not aloud to tell anyone. If you do, it gets out to the kids at school, rumors start going around and people just look down on you, will call you sluts, whores, that kind of stuff and its just not true because again, we are exlusive to eachother. Parents also could find out and 100% wouldn't be okay with it.
3: Expectations, being friends with benefits is not boyfriend girlfriend. You aren't expected to come over all the time, go out on dates, and all that stuff. We are friends, which means going out to eat somewhere, maybe the movies, but its just hanging out, and being a friend also is just like being friends with anyone else, texting, being a shoulder to cry on, etc...
Lexus and I decided to start hanging out again since me and Hailey weren't a thing anymore, after about a week or so, we both was interested in sexual activity again so we set up a time to meet up the next day, I waited for my mother to go bed and about 12am I snuck down stairs and headed out the door. Lexus lives about a half a mile down from where I live so it don't take long to get there. That night I went though my backyard, hopped the fence and went through a crop field to her house, we met up and walked down to a nearby park.
When we got there we chose somewhere to do it, we chose a bench at the very back of the park, furthest away from the road, and it went on from there, ended losing my virginity.It sucked to be honest, regretted big time and I won't say more than that because I assume none of yall that managed to read this far would want to read all the details.
After we "did the dirty" so to speak which ended about 1am, we headed back, I helped her get back into hjer window, gave her a good night kiss and headed back to my house and hopped in the shower because I had a pretty rough trip back through the field. Since then we have done the same thing many times. except it wasn't always planned, It just happened when I went over and it wasn't always at the park either, multiple different places.
Thats the end of the story, haha. Thank you so much if you read this far, I knew this was gonna be such a long write but I know I'll want to keep these memories forever, the losing virginity part ill never forget unfortunately but the whole thing with Hailey wasn't fun as well and its something I may very well forget if im not reminded every now and then. It took me so long to write this, work, and do driving school with the addition of some free time for my self and just living.
Thank you again, means so much <3
p.s: I was 15, when I lost it, not sure if I said that at any point. and this was all over the course of 1.5 years. This month, August 18 was the day me and Hailey broke up, coincidental timing am i right. Jezuz, it says this is a 40 minutes read. Jeeeez im sorry yall lmao