Dear Diary,
Its Sunday today, like real Sun-Day. For last few days it was just all cloudy, although the weather was good(We'll come to that later). First, about today, I had a dream. I dont remember everything, but i'll try to write what i remember.
It was some marriage somewhere, the location is partly in mountains, partly in dessert, could be laddakh, yeah the rooms looked like the room in the vippasana center, there is a window in the corner of the room, and we can see mountains outside. I can say it was some marriage function because we were all together, Guddu Jiji, Sheta, Manju Masi, Sweety, Baby didi (I am more connected to ladies in my family, specially my cousins and maasi =D) They were getting ready. But suddenly we hear a lot of noise, and soldiers with guns, we have to evacuate the place, we all run out quickly, we are sitting in blue color open body autos, its not auto, its more like combination of auto and van, two side sitting, in the way they are inquiring everyone passing by, we are telling them something about that we have come for a function, they are letting us go, but there is sounds of guns and bombs from distance, i am holding her hand, it is scary. Yeah she is here too (I dont know if we'll ever go to family functions together, but in my dreams, i have liberty to imagine anything, Anyway).The soldiers have there faces covered, wearing helmets and holding heavy guns.
Its Germany, Germany has attacked us.
I have another scene now, they are finding everyone and killing them, german soldiers, surrounded in between few hills, there is one small castle (not too big, a small castle), we run and hide inside it, i dont remember who is with me here now, its her or my mom and sweety, shweta. But i am with someone i care deeply about. And it has become very scary now, there is some silenece in the air now, they must have killed everyone or whoever could, must have evacuated, but we are stuck here, few of them are just walking past this, but they decide to check inside the castle, we are hind in a balcony.
In an another scene we are also living and working without lights inside.
At some point, US millitary reaches, soldiers are coming down with ropes from helicopters.
Damm it, i dont remember most of it now, but all of it was intense, i have a feeling. And i have a feeling that our true selves are revealed in those scary moments, i have a feeling that i felt more connected with myself, in those moments, i knew who i was.
Later, While meditating today also, i was feeling more aware.
Coming to weather these days, Its awesome, in evenings while returning from office, on the bike, i feel that chill in the air. Everytime i feel this sort of chill, i am teleported to that evening in college, durga puja vacation. Alone in canteen, yellow orange lights. I dont know why i rememember that evening after years. And that song too, Akshay nandkumar, bas ek kkhwab.
Out of all memories, she too remembers this one, ofcourse she tells that song as a scary thing, and i rememeber it as a beautiful,silent evening. There is a feeling attached with this memory, like, i have everything i need. And i have nothing else to look after in this world. Anyway, so, while coming home, i sing this song aloud, its a wonderful feeling.
I am not going jogging for past few days, office time is not matching. Earlier i used to come home early, go jogging and then work again, but now, if i am leaving office early, everyone will leave and i dont like that. So i stay till late.
I talked with her yesterday, she messaged, and it was the best thing that happened to me in this entire week. I cant explain it why. In my mind i know that i cant attach myself with this feeling. i cannot attach myself with anything. But all my worries just go away flying in the air. And i start giggling like a girl. I cant help it 😀😀 I dont want to write about it much, because i myself am very confused, about why i dint message her, why we always need topics to talk about, or what does it mean when we say, milte hen jaldi to each other... The best i can do is not to think about any of this in my head, thats what i learnt at vipassana, that i want to be honest with her and with myself all the time, and i can be, only if i dont Imagine anything, if i dont imagine anything, than everything is real and honest.
Anyway, Development wise, i tried to fix tod, due to a particular thing in android 10, people cant pload images, so i decided to fix the cordova plugin, but than i started making my own, It took me some time (A lot of time as usual in my case), But, i think i ahve made it, its my first working plugin. It may not gain very much popularity, but its another feather in the hat. I think go broker has to be dropped for now, its very complicated, and not a beginners project. Plus i want to pursue AI and i cant do everything. Sometimes i wish i had courage to just delete the MFucking folders of projects which are not aligned with my goal, its AI, and space science.
I am watching HIMYM again, in season 4 now, i know when i am sad, i am only thinking of the current moment, but if we look at years as whoole, we know that ted mosby is going to design the goliath national bank's building one day, and everything he is going through these days are lessons, leading him to becoming that architect. I am also learning all the lessons, but someday i'll make something big, and in that moment i have to find the satisfaction. Not that i dont need to do anything after this satisfaction, but I have reached here satisfaction.
Ok, Thats enough, For the Sunday, I'll just read the book, and some light work.
Happy Sunday.