The titles for these diary entries will now be song titles :)

I feel good, I call my latest good friend up, I suggest a plan and they either cancel it or modify it as per their ease. That hurts my feelings. Where I understand where the person is coming from and their reasons for saying what they said, I don't think I like it very much.

I feel like I'm always the one pulling anyway.

Then if they do something for a change, I get too excited too shiny-eyed like ooooo thanks for playing your part I'm so grateful. Stupid.

Also I think I destroyed my laptop's speaker when I dropped it once upon a time :')

Then when they modify the plan as per their convenience, I take a MAMMOTH step back. Like a snail scared away into its shell. I don't want to meet the person for the day now.

What I hate even more is when someone initiates a plan like "Let's have coffee," and then when I drop my stuff to go get coffee with them, I'm at the counter and they say, "You know what you go ahead I'm good,"

?!?!?!!??!?!??!!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!

Selfish, inconsiderate person

Oversensitive, over-attached me

I hate how I feel after this sequence of events.

I'm almost always at the verge of tears. Tears called upon by my hurt from them and my hate for me.

I am now at the verge of tears.

Now, the person in question is almost never a sour soul.

July 25, 2020

I was really looking forward to something today. can dare say I was even excited. It turned out to be very disappointing. I didn't even get upset because I just knew deep down, it wasn't going to go the way I hoped. Seems like nothing ever does anymore.