June 20, 2020

I have been talking to C for a week as of tomorrow and we are going on a date tomorrow as well. 

And yet...

I feel lonely and I'm actually kinda crying right now. 

I'm happy to talk to him and I am excited about actually meeting him tomorrow so I'm guessing the problem is hormones? Or depression? Or maybe it's that we keep talking about how much we desire cuddles and, fuck, I haven't had any in months and that makes me feel lonely?

We haven't even mentioned sex which is like huge for me. I usually end up in a sexual conversation with a boy within a couple hours. I'm happy that we haven't talked about it.

And yet...

I'm lowkey thinking about sending him suggestive pictures?

Make me stop. 😖

Anyway, I get to take out my NuvaRing (vaginally inserted birth control) tomorrow which means I'm probably starting to do the whole PMS thing. It seems like it's starting earlier and earlier... or maybe it's just depression. 

God, I don't want to scare C away. It feels like he genuinely likes me for more than my body. 

I also wanna know how innocent he is. He seems pretty innocent... like sexually inexperienced. Not necessarily a virgin... but like, is he the type of guy who wants to wait a really long time to have sex? I've only met one of those lol. Or would he be willing to take me to his apartment tomorrow and, well, take me? 

I'm messaging him as I'm typing this and I just asked how he feels about sleepovers. -- Omg he's never slept with a girl before. I don't know about sex though. 

Update: he is a virgin. 

Oh boy. Let's see how this goes.