Dear Diary,
There are very few moments in life where we feel we have the control. Take control when you have it (Is what i thought i should have said to her, when she was thinking of joining the another company and not waiting for amazon), but it's only in my head, an in yours too now =D
I know it would sound a little boring to you, that i keep coming to you with the same topic, but time to time, i keep feeling this these days, feeling that, i have lost that arihant somewhere, the old arihant, who used to think about life and who used to Think a lot, these days, all i think is about a bug in esp or how to make the lock module work. I havent spoken with di for so many days. Havnt seen kohinoor, all day i am busy working on this system, not making a lot of progress though, because I am slow.
I want to achieve that conciousness, that awareness. I feel like craving for it now. I took a walk, and i was hoping that any moment now, while walking i'll have my aha moment and understand everything, one particular thought will strike my mind and then i'll just go deep and deep and ultimately, i'll realize that truth, the truth. Why is it all happening, why are we all alive, or are we.
But its not happening, i got bored walking and returned to the system.
I wish i could talk to judy today, when she told me things about starseed, i knew that it was all not true, that she was probably fantasizing it, but i also know that no one knows the truth anyway, so i might as well believe in her, believe that like she, i do have some super powers too, and someday i am going to find those.
When people around me are making a lot of money, all my friends, they are making much more money than i do....
Aah, leave it, Honestly, i dont think it affects me much, i dont feel envy or i dont even feel like i need more. All i know is, i am learning a lot. And that some day the dots will connect.
Getting old... It's something we never think about, and i think its the right thing to do. But my nanai has reached that stage now, all of a sudden, nani is forgetting everything these days, mom would talk to her in day and in evening she wont remeber,if she talked to her. Nana is also going through a phase where he needs diapers now. We think about it or not, but thats how we are going to be some day, and feel helpless. i know that i cannot be worried about it, and I wish, that i live that phase as well with grace, with consiousness and understanding that this is life, and it'll have it's phases, and we are here to experience it, all of it... And be excited about what's coming next.
I just had cofee after so long. Its so great, my mind, its not feeling tired anymore, but feeling like it's morning already... =D
Her birthday is here now, I want to make something for her, write something very nice for her, she liked my new year message =D. But i dont know what would make her happy, and what is something i haven't told her already. I wish i could show her that she is as brilliant as tesla would need =D. Or just write a song for her, alas, i am not that brilliant =D.
The galaxy poster is one thing, but than she'll be bored with all the photo frames i give =D.
The weather is good, really really good. So awesome, the cold breeze, sound of slow raining. Sound of tree leaves, i am totally in love with it. I think youtube has also picked my taste again, i am getting good songs now.
Ok i have bored you enough =D
One last thing, even though i get stress for a lot of things these days, but i think my mind has sort of clicked a picture of how my desk and this moment looks like. light perfect(my yellow), books on my shelf perfect,temperature perfect, wind and sound of trees coming in from the wondow perfect, music awesome. I am really so grateful for this. This moment is going to be part of my long term memory =D.
Sayonara.