June 10, 2020

 

Dear Diary,

I'm just some person in the world that would live for sometime in the human history.

I am a clueless or "no conviction" person and I can't stand on my own.

I am always in need of affirmation from someone of what should I do or believe to be true.

But most of these advices, I did and still be skeptic about it.


Dreams

Honestly, I am clueless about it.

I don't want to suffer to study a skill or profession.

But I must because society (family, friends, and in general) think it is the right thing for me.

I agree that it could help me to get a better living in the future. So that's why I continue with my study.

My dreams were long lost.

Like becoming a great man of some expertise.

Deep inside, I have surrendered to a life of comfort and just moving to the flow that society wants me to be.


You can call me a loser because I think I am

Or just a lazy one, an ignorant, a confused, or a quitter.


Currently, I'm still finding some compelling reasons if the thing that I follow is reasonable enough because I don't want to be like a sheep of the society.

Or is it me whose unreasonable through all these times?


Maybe, again, I just need some exposure to something like making programs or games/learning math or science.

I just fear that I may not dedicate myself to work hard and progress.

Just like some quitter or lazy one that I am.


Yeah, like what I've said I am a confused quitter and I don't feel bad about it.


I don't know how to solve my problems

I just hope that someday I could find the right reasons to make myself stand on my own or not labell myself a lost one.




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